Even More Silliness

December 31, 2009 at 3:44 pm (Damn funny, Entertainment, General, Music) (, , , , , , )

Rebus PuzzleReba McEntire

RebusReba

Well, I did say that it was more random silliness.

And as I wrote today on my Facebook page, 2010 is bound to be better than 2009, especially if we all go out into the world, in the days and weeks to come, holding that intention in our minds and in our hearts. Spread a little compassion, a little joy, a little happiness. Here’s a start. Enjoy.

Happy New Year!



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More Random Silliness

December 3, 2009 at 2:09 am (Damn funny, General) (, , , )

Anais NinNiacin

Yes, another stupid bit of wordplay. Well, I thought it was funny…

I promise, I’ll post something much more serious, very soon.



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Parody – Not A Low Art Form At All

October 24, 2009 at 1:17 am (Damn funny, Entertainment, Media) (, , , , , , , )

Earlier this week, I spotted a lovely little parody of Pixar’s Luxo Lamp intro – the one you see at the beginning of all the Disney / Pixar movies.

Here’s the original, to refresh your memory:

And here’s the parody.  Wonderfully twisted, and perfectly in the spirit of the Hallowe’en season…

Now, here’s a really fun parody with a different approach.  Certainly a little more lighthearted:

A bit of looking on YouTube indicates that the Pixar Luxo Lamp intro is a very popular subject of parody and imitation.  There are many, many videos done by aspiring CGI animators out there.

Let’s wrap up with a quick “outtake”:

Enjoy the weekend, and I’ll be back soon with a more serious subject to discuss.

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What Are They Thinking At GM?

October 8, 2009 at 2:16 am (Cars & Trucks, Damn funny, Die Rat Bastard, The Economy) (, , , , , , , )

Holy Zarquon’s Singing Fish. I just saw a commercial for the new 2010 Chevy Equinox SUV, and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck.  Whatever they are smoking in the styling department at Chevrolet, it must be pretty righteous shizzle.  Take a look:

2010_Chevy_Equinox_front

And now, take a look at the 2002 Pontiac Aztek, widely considered to be one of the ugliest cars ever made:

2002-05_pontiac_aztek

Wow.  Wow, wow, wow.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.  Can you imagine a more clear example that people don’t learn from history, and are therefore doomed to repeat it Is it any wonder that GM is about to pass into history like the Studebaker and the DeSoto?

There.  I feel a little better now.  See you all in a few days.

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Capitalism – American Dream, or Nightmare?

October 1, 2009 at 12:05 am (Damn funny, Entertainment, Media, Politics, The Economy, The Environment) (, , , , , , , , )

Tomorrow, Michael Moore’s self-described magnum opus, Capitalism: A Love Story, hits theaters all over America. And I’m really looking forward to seeing it.  Perhaps it’ll help make sense out of the last year.  Check out the trailer:

Looks pretty good to me!  Moore’s new film promises entertainment, education, and aggravation in equal parts, rather like Fahrenheit 9/11 did.  And here’s my recommendation for a second film that would make a good companion on a double bill – The Corporation:

I encourage everyone to sit down and watch The Corporation.  You can rent it on DVD, buy it, or even watch it online.  The important thing is – watch it. Some of the things you may think you know about corporations aren’t necessarily so.

As someone who has worked in small to medium-sized corporations throughout my working life, this film came as a real eye-opener.  The premise behind The Corporation is this – if a corporation really were a real person, and underwent psychoanalysis, what kind of person would it turn out to be?

The answer isn’t very pretty.  Corporations are, by and large, the kind of person that gets locked up for sociopathic behavior on an epic scale. That simple diagnosis may go some ways towards explaining the events of the last year.

Enjoy your popcorn, and see you at the movies.

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I Kind Of Miss Her Already

November 19, 2008 at 1:40 am (Damn funny, Entertainment, General, Media, Politics) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Damn, y’all. It’s only been 2 weeks since the election, and I already sort of miss Sarah Palin. Smokin’ hot MILF, yes, but dumb as a Doug Fir stump. And plainly, I’m not the only American male who gets all “woodsy” thinking about Alaska’s governor…

Oh, Sarah! Sweet, adorable gubernatorial babe! Great tune, eh? Credit goes to Brian Haner, currently touring with Jeff Dunham and Peanut. (Herr Doktor Haner used to play with some pretty cool people, like Frank Zappa. And he’s father to Synyster Gates of Avenged Sevenfold.)

How about some more GILF Goodness?

GILF as in Governor I’d Like To F***… Love me that Craig Ferguson almost as much as Sarah Palin! And she even offered to take Craig “fishin'”. Mmmm, that sexy Alaskan dialect… makes me go all wibbly.

How about one more look at the lovely Governor Palin before we go?

Sigh… dense as block of solid lead, but oh so very boinkable.

We’ll miss you, Sarah! Stay in touch, eh? You betcha!

UPDATE: November 23, 2008

Hey, sugar! How can we miss you when you won’t go away? Just when I thought we were never going to see the delicious Governor Palin ever again, this fascinating video from KTUU / Anchorage appeared on YouTube:

(Warning: scenes of gruesome, brutal, turkey carnage! I mean it! Seriously! Alaskan dude brazenly killing turkeys! And staring vacantly at the camera!)

All well and good for the turkey that was pardoned, but not the best day ever for the turkeys in the background, while this video was being shot. I will refrain from further comment. Many other pundits (or “pun-dints” as the luscious Sarah would say) have made all the good comments already.

However, the universe decided to toy with my wee brain while I was watchin’ the turkey killin’ video. This song – “Vicarious” – by the band Tool popped up on my MP3 player. Be advised – Tool is not for the faint of heart. The imagery in the following video may be unsettling, as might be the lyrics. But if you’re so inclined, you may see the depths of the synchronicity between the two videos. Enjoy… or perhaps simply contemplate.

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Wave “Bye-Bye”, John. (You too, Sarah.)

November 5, 2008 at 12:44 am (Damn funny, Die Rat Bastard, General, Politics) (, , , , , , )

goodbye_mccain

Boy, it’s good to see the results of this election. Barack Obama is our President Elect, and the cheering of the crowds at his victory speech was deafening. The report above (screen capture from CNN) filled me with glee.

And the projections are that the Democrats have also gained control of the House and the Senate. I haven’t smiled so much since my divorce was final. And that prompted me to wonder what this election really means for the Republicans. And I think it boils down to this:

Dear Republican Party;

We, the American People, want a divorce.

We’re sick to death of your shit. You spent a whole lot of money we don’t have, and got us into hock up to our eyeballs. Your friends are a whole bunch of self-aggrandizing, unsavory, scandalous bastards who helped you rack up all this debt we can’t pay, and you still want to give them more money? Are you on crack? And when we busted your sorry ass on all your lies, you just kept sticking to your lame story. You think we’re stupid? You think we don’t know you’re lying?

You’ve got until January 20th to pack your crap, and get out. You’re lucky we don’t call the cops and have them throw your lying, evil ass in jail.

Trouble is, the Democrats are just the flip side of the two-party coin. We have to stay on top of them, and make sure they don’t pull the same crap that Dubya pulled. And who did I vote for? Ralph Nader. See, if third parties get a minimum percentage of the popular vote, they can qualify for federal matching funds. This way, instead of piling my vote on top of the Obama landslide, I used it to try and help fund an alternative to the two-party system. Don’t know if it’ll ever work, but I figured it was better than being a “me too”.

Anyhow, I’m still smiling. And Inauguration Day can’t come soon enough for me.

(By the way, I’d still totally do Sarah Palin ’til she squeaks. Just don’t let her run anything outside of Alaska. Hey, I can see Mt. Hood from my house.  Does this mean I’m a qualified mountaineer, skier, and vulcanologist?)

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Random Phrases, Unintended Humor

October 11, 2008 at 11:42 pm (Damn funny, Entertainment, General) (, , , , , )

Friday night, September 26th, a whole wad of friends and family gathered at a local Newport Bay restaurant to celebrate my sister’s 50th birthday. And, as a part of a recent tradition, I kept notes of some of the more… interesting… random phrases spoken by those gathered around the table.

Without further ado, I present the randomness below, in chronological order of utterance. Anonymity has been maintained, to protect the guilty. Hope you enjoy!

Whoo hoo! I have a new bank!
Pongo has a growth on his thyroid.
Digital computing.

You went to Ulta!
I’ve spent hours fighting on the phone with AMR.
Liquid Castille soap.

He was released this morning…

I still whip mine out every now and then.

Typical brother.

It’s amazing what you can do from Dollar Tree.

Payback is a bitch.
I like ’em all.
What was the question? Was there a question?

She was trying to think of a place in New York.
And I said “the Eiffel Tower”, then “the Sears Tower”.
All that stuff is in Las Vegas. At 1/4 scale.
I think you need to go see a therapist, and get some drugs.
That’s not hard – it’s called Jack Daniels.

Hey! You’re violating our freedom of speech.
I like to go to Honolulu… just long enough to go shopping.
Just one more thing!
Too much information – all the time. That’s my news channel.
Yeah, I like TMI. Those are good call letters – KTMI.
I want to be you. But just for Saturday and Sunday.
I’m just dipping. STOP IT!
As long as you don’t skinny dip, or double dip.
I know what double dipping is, but what’s skinny dipping? Using your finger, and licking it off?
Can I help you spell Zihuatanejo?
Nah, I’ll look it up later on Google.
She’s your favorite DJ client.
Oh, great. I have to be quiet tonight.
Is there still stuff in that bowl?
She said she has a headache. Better show her your book.
Oh yeah, I have that book. It’s empty. I wrote a lot in mine. It makes a good diary.
It’s a really good notebook. Stick it by the phone.
Now I know why you switch to the girl’s part, right in the middle.
We didn’t tell you everything we did on that cruise, Jon. You think we’re morons?
Tell Diane what Brandon did – he didn’t go to trial!
There was about 12 people’s names on there that I knew.
I’m paying. After all, I invited everyone.
Now he tells us, after we ordered.
You guys wanna see me in my underwear?
I can’t chew all this.
A brandy margarita? That sounds disgusting.
I found lots of stuff I didn’t like.
Diane’s sucking too hard.
It looks like she’s drinking an aquarium. Koi pond?
I’ll kiss somebody.
It could be worse. If I stop having birthdays altogether, that’s worse.
A simple valve job will fix that.
You’ve been talking about me, and I haven’t been listening?
Let me know if he’s coming or not – if he is, I’ll bow out.
(The speaker was referring to me, perhaps a little unjustly.)
Write that in there – you’re fired!
It does taste like grass.
That makes me feel much better.
All you need is a mirror and binoculars.
You don’t want to go to a truck stop?
I just haven’t gotten into it.
I think we’re all too damn sensitive these days.
I can’t believe you said that!
My mom says I shouldn’t say the word “fuck”.
The joke’s on her; she thinks she’s going to a spa.
I’m gettin’ in it!
Naked? It feels really good. There you have it!
Maybe she should come along.
Just write down what you want. A wish list. Maybe I can figure it out.
Kama Sutra for over-fifties… (snore)
I just want the massage part. I don’t want the other part.
The only part of me that’s working right is – my colon.
That’s because you’re full of shit.
We were IM’ing about our colonoscopies.
Right up his alley.
I’m here for a good time, not a long time.
You have to sit on your hand when you do that?
You look so masculine when you stretch like that. All the flab goes away.
He’ll blog it on his web site.
She doesn’t eat anything white, remember?
Oh my God, what’s coming out of it?
Get one to go – we’ll eat it later.
Throwing his money around…
Well, he did marry you.
I have to give her the money back? Cancel the party! I never post the check until after the event’s over, in case something happens. Like that.
I didn’t make an “X” on the calendar yesterday, so I guess I didn’t take my pills today!
Where do you get one? I want one!
I think I’m pregnant.
Did I show you my stool sample?
What’s the difference between a truckload of bowling balls, and a truckload of dead babies?

And there you have it. Feel free to post a comment, if you care to.

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The Denizens of McMenamin’s

June 27, 2008 at 9:32 pm (Damn funny, Entertainment, General) (, , , , , , )

I couldn’t resist it tonight. It was a beautiful, sunny day, and cabin fever has set in again. Had to get out of the house, and so drove myself “down to pub”. In my case, the “local” is McMenamin’s East Vancouver.

A brief rundown of the patrons in attendance this evening may be entertaining… let’s see.

There is some woman off to my right who has a giggle not unlike that of Black Adder’s temporary bride, Tally Applebottom. Say, barkeep! I’ll have what she’s having. And here – please hold my car keys.

Oh, just outside the window is a young buck in surfer shorts and black T-shirt, listening intently to another fellow in his 30’s. Young buck was reading the bible a little earlier, before his mentor (?) arrived and greeted him with a manly, back-pounding hug. Will he be saved? Or will he wise up and understand that religion is bunk, before he spends a lot of time and effort trying to find a god that isn’t there?

At the near end of the bar is a young couple, he in white T-shirt, she with a tattoo on her arm. Tats are enormously popular here in Vantucky. Damned if I know why. I can’t quite make out the design, here in the gloom of the swag lamp-illuminated interior. It may be a floral motif, or a flaming skull. Either is equally probable here in the cosmopolitan Pacific Northwest. (Yes, there is a Starbucks less than 100 feet away from my table. Imagine that.)

Young buck update – he’s looking increasingly contemplative, as his mentor becomes more animated. Mentor is speaking and gesturing with great earnestness and conviction, and young buck is nodding thoughtfully, holding his chin.

And tattoo girl is reviewing today’s crossword, as her companion ponders a different section of the daily news rag.

(Young buck’s food has arrived… keep a healthy skepticism, and defend your mind, that’s my advice. That and – check out the brunette behind you, dude. Nice.)

The table just to my right has now collected about seven 20-somethings, out for an evening’s food and drink. The discussion at the moment centers around lousy autobody repair (too much bondo) and the relative merits of light vs dark beers. Personally, I am far happier with a stout than I am with a pilsner or lager. And a woman at a table behind me was telling a rather cringe-inducing story about a motorcycle accident. I think I heard the words “face”and “gravel”. Ow. Kinda makes me glad my bum’s too big to go bicycling any more. I really don’t miss road rash.

No Lamborghinis tonight, sorry to say. But a sweet little Porshe Targa in pearlescent white just left the parking lot. Lambo dude was in a week or two ago. My friend Mark says he knows him. Wouldn’t surprise me in the least. Maybe Lambo Dude will be in tomorrow night.

I probably won’t be, though.

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Well, I thought it was funny…

January 17, 2008 at 5:28 pm (Damn funny, General) (, , , , )

Gutta Percha Golf Ball                            Gutter Percher

Gutta percha                                     Gutter percher

Yeah, it’s a totally stupid pun. But I couldn’t get it out of my head! And now it’s in yours. Curse me if you must.

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