What Are They Thinking At GM?

October 8, 2009 at 2:16 am (Cars & Trucks, Damn funny, Die Rat Bastard, The Economy) (, , , , , , , )

Holy Zarquon’s Singing Fish. I just saw a commercial for the new 2010 Chevy Equinox SUV, and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck.  Whatever they are smoking in the styling department at Chevrolet, it must be pretty righteous shizzle.  Take a look:

2010_Chevy_Equinox_front

And now, take a look at the 2002 Pontiac Aztek, widely considered to be one of the ugliest cars ever made:

2002-05_pontiac_aztek

Wow.  Wow, wow, wow.  The more things change, the more they stay the same.  Can you imagine a more clear example that people don’t learn from history, and are therefore doomed to repeat it Is it any wonder that GM is about to pass into history like the Studebaker and the DeSoto?

There.  I feel a little better now.  See you all in a few days.

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The 8 Words That Can Save Your Marriage, Ladies

June 25, 2008 at 12:39 pm (General, Media, Politics, The Economy, The Environment) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Yes, this is blatantly ripped off from the Tom Leykis show. Why? Because it’s completely valid, and I have a few words of my own to add, thank you very much.

What are Tom’s eight words?

  • Stay thin
  • Long hair
  • Sex anytime
  • Shut up

And I would add 5 more words – “Don’t Spend All His Money“.

So what’s the deal, anyhow? Here’s the deal. Women in our modern, Western world seem to have developed (Tom’s phrase) a “sense of entitlement“. (And to a certain degree, men have as well, but that’s a subject for later. This is about the 51% of the population that has no Y chromosome.)

Women have been told that they can “have it all”. And in my opinion, they have taken that concept far too literally, to mean the bank account, the house, the cars, the 401k… Money (and fighting about money) is a huge issue in marriage and divorce. Why? In my experience (and that of several of my divorced male friends) it’s because women seem to feel they can spend stupid amounts of money on all kinds of rubbish.

Shut Up and Hang UpSuch as? Oh, how about $90 worth of hair scrunchies at one shot? Or $150 for a haircut? Perhaps huge long distance phone bills, yakking about gods-know-what with out-of-state friends and relatives? Don’t give me that look. These are all real world examples, from my personal experience.

And I’m not alone. Search Google for “my wife spends too much“. Today, I got over 800,000 hits on that phrase.

So, girls, if you want to save your marriage, lay off the charge card. (Do you really need those slutty-looking French manicure acrylic nails?) Realize that every time you swipe that hunk of plastic through the reader, it increases the pressure on your man to produce.

He’s got enough on his plate, babe, especially now that it costs more than $100 to refuel that damn SUV you talked him into buying, not to mention that it also costs an absurd amount to clothe and feed those kids you talked him into fathering. (Did you know he would have preferred to keep that sporty car he had when you met him? You told him you thought it was ‘sexy’. Oh, and odds are, he would have been just as happy without kids.) And since the rugrats are always underfoot, he’s not getting laid any more, and with you lopping your hair off and dressing like his mom, he’s even less interested in sex with you anyway.

Soccer Mom Thinks She\'s HotOh, and give him a little peace & quiet, would you? He really doesn’t need to hear all about your day with the other soccer moms, in mind-numbing detail, and he doesn’t give a rip about the conversation you had with your mom about your sister’s latest boyfriend. He’s got to concern himself with keeping his job, in the face of global competition and downsizing. If you don’t shut the hell up, and let him think, he’ll lose that job that’s paying your bills. Then where will you be? In divorce court, because you drove him to shag his secretary?

Get a grip, women. Stop talking for a moment, and look, and listen. Ask some important questions about yourself, about him, and about your relationship. About your place in the world. And ask yourself if your expectations are reasonable in today’s world of rising energy prices, melting ice caps, and a 50% plus divorce rate.

Remember those wedding vows, sugar? Seems to me the general idea was to make each other happy, helping each other realize their fondest dreams, and not so much about taking out the trash, or filling the kitchen with stainless steel appliances. Maybe it’s time to refocus…

Maybe ask yourself how you can make your situation better by rethinking the situation, instead of stubbornly sticking to your position. Maybe even get dad and the kids involved in the discussion. You may get a huge, wonderful surprise out of having that kind of conversation.

I remember that my family had some very useful discussions when I was a kid. We made some family decisions, after group discussions, that led to real improvements in our lives together. We found ways to cut expenses during the first Arab Oil Embargo, we explored our values, agreed certain things were crap, and we wouldn’t be involved with them, we began recycling… we pulled together.

It\'s Up To YouOr go ahead.

Stick to your guns.

Be a b*tch, and pull it all apart.

Your choice.

Enjoy.

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Some days, all you can do is shake your head…

September 6, 2007 at 1:22 am (Cool Tech, Damn funny, General, Politics) (, , , , , , , , )

Mega Chair for Mega Butt…and wonder what’s to become of us all. Today, I got a catalog geared towards me and my fellow fat asses. It features a portable chair that can hold up to – wait for it – 800 pounds. Who’s going to use this? It’s for use while camping or -gasp, wheeze- hiking! Oh, yeah, right. Delusional, I am not. And yes – in the catalog picture, all four models are sitting on their fat… chairs… behind the open tailgates of gas-guzzling SUVs. (Oh, by the way, manufacturers please note. The seat is only 24 inches wide. Huh? 800 pounds = great big old booty = wider than 24 inches. Jesus. Will someone please use their melon for something other than holding up their hair?)

Humanity is SO broken.

The book I reading right now, The Uplift War by David Brin, has as its main theme a galactic civilization where various space-faring species travel about the Five Galaxies “uplifting” pre-sentient species they find here and there. As a result, I am especially aware of cultural and genetic issues right now. We humans could use a serious genetic intervention. But that has a really nasty taste in the mouth since the hopelessly incorrect and misguided “eugenics” of the first half of century 20.

I wonder how far back that stupid misadventure will set the progress of the human race? How much our genetic advancement may have been delayed by Hitlerian anti-semitism, or dogmatic religious beliefs that dictate that our rickety DNA is somehow “holy” and inviolate, the province only of God Almighty? (If we are a divine creation, well – His Handiwork is pretty damn sloppy, that’s all I have to say.)

It’s Creepy!Sigh. It’s an issue for me because I feel victimized by my genes. Stupid DNA anyway. I’d love to be able to fix some things, starting with my metabolism, my pancreas, then the proportions of certain… things…

Okay, here are some other ideas. To begin with, the age of procreation should be moved out to 45. No sex urge, no fertility, no nothing until 45. That way, there will be no interference with education & careers. People will have a fighting chance to get their finances and their heads together before breeding. No chance of stupidly knocking up your girlfriend and ruining your life and hers.

Next, life span should be increased to about 150 or more. This would give us time to see the next generation solidly on its feet, and see the grandkids by age 95 or 100. Not to mention the fact that we are, as things are now, just beginning to get the hang of how things work, and our bodies and minds begin falling apart. What’s up with that? Can’t we do better? Hello?

Give us 100-120 productive years, and 30-40 years of retirement. Time to spend the cash we’ve amassed. Maybe even become a little wiser, and get the chance to pass along the wisdom. Perhaps then we hairless monkeys might begin taking a longer view of things, if we knew we would be around long enough to suffer the consequences, eh?

What do you think about that, George Bush? Dick Cheney?

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