Some days, all you can do is shake your head…

September 6, 2007 at 1:22 am (Cool Tech, Damn funny, General, Politics) (, , , , , , , , )

Mega Chair for Mega Butt…and wonder what’s to become of us all. Today, I got a catalog geared towards me and my fellow fat asses. It features a portable chair that can hold up to – wait for it – 800 pounds. Who’s going to use this? It’s for use while camping or -gasp, wheeze- hiking! Oh, yeah, right. Delusional, I am not. And yes – in the catalog picture, all four models are sitting on their fat… chairs… behind the open tailgates of gas-guzzling SUVs. (Oh, by the way, manufacturers please note. The seat is only 24 inches wide. Huh? 800 pounds = great big old booty = wider than 24 inches. Jesus. Will someone please use their melon for something other than holding up their hair?)

Humanity is SO broken.

The book I reading right now, The Uplift War by David Brin, has as its main theme a galactic civilization where various space-faring species travel about the Five Galaxies “uplifting” pre-sentient species they find here and there. As a result, I am especially aware of cultural and genetic issues right now. We humans could use a serious genetic intervention. But that has a really nasty taste in the mouth since the hopelessly incorrect and misguided “eugenics” of the first half of century 20.

I wonder how far back that stupid misadventure will set the progress of the human race? How much our genetic advancement may have been delayed by Hitlerian anti-semitism, or dogmatic religious beliefs that dictate that our rickety DNA is somehow “holy” and inviolate, the province only of God Almighty? (If we are a divine creation, well – His Handiwork is pretty damn sloppy, that’s all I have to say.)

It’s Creepy!Sigh. It’s an issue for me because I feel victimized by my genes. Stupid DNA anyway. I’d love to be able to fix some things, starting with my metabolism, my pancreas, then the proportions of certain… things…

Okay, here are some other ideas. To begin with, the age of procreation should be moved out to 45. No sex urge, no fertility, no nothing until 45. That way, there will be no interference with education & careers. People will have a fighting chance to get their finances and their heads together before breeding. No chance of stupidly knocking up your girlfriend and ruining your life and hers.

Next, life span should be increased to about 150 or more. This would give us time to see the next generation solidly on its feet, and see the grandkids by age 95 or 100. Not to mention the fact that we are, as things are now, just beginning to get the hang of how things work, and our bodies and minds begin falling apart. What’s up with that? Can’t we do better? Hello?

Give us 100-120 productive years, and 30-40 years of retirement. Time to spend the cash we’ve amassed. Maybe even become a little wiser, and get the chance to pass along the wisdom. Perhaps then we hairless monkeys might begin taking a longer view of things, if we knew we would be around long enough to suffer the consequences, eh?

What do you think about that, George Bush? Dick Cheney?

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