The 8 Words That Can Save Your Marriage, Ladies

June 25, 2008 at 12:39 pm (General, Media, Politics, The Economy, The Environment) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Yes, this is blatantly ripped off from the Tom Leykis show. Why? Because it’s completely valid, and I have a few words of my own to add, thank you very much.

What are Tom’s eight words?

  • Stay thin
  • Long hair
  • Sex anytime
  • Shut up

And I would add 5 more words – “Don’t Spend All His Money“.

So what’s the deal, anyhow? Here’s the deal. Women in our modern, Western world seem to have developed (Tom’s phrase) a “sense of entitlement“. (And to a certain degree, men have as well, but that’s a subject for later. This is about the 51% of the population that has no Y chromosome.)

Women have been told that they can “have it all”. And in my opinion, they have taken that concept far too literally, to mean the bank account, the house, the cars, the 401k… Money (and fighting about money) is a huge issue in marriage and divorce. Why? In my experience (and that of several of my divorced male friends) it’s because women seem to feel they can spend stupid amounts of money on all kinds of rubbish.

Shut Up and Hang UpSuch as? Oh, how about $90 worth of hair scrunchies at one shot? Or $150 for a haircut? Perhaps huge long distance phone bills, yakking about gods-know-what with out-of-state friends and relatives? Don’t give me that look. These are all real world examples, from my personal experience.

And I’m not alone. Search Google for “my wife spends too much“. Today, I got over 800,000 hits on that phrase.

So, girls, if you want to save your marriage, lay off the charge card. (Do you really need those slutty-looking French manicure acrylic nails?) Realize that every time you swipe that hunk of plastic through the reader, it increases the pressure on your man to produce.

He’s got enough on his plate, babe, especially now that it costs more than $100 to refuel that damn SUV you talked him into buying, not to mention that it also costs an absurd amount to clothe and feed those kids you talked him into fathering. (Did you know he would have preferred to keep that sporty car he had when you met him? You told him you thought it was ‘sexy’. Oh, and odds are, he would have been just as happy without kids.) And since the rugrats are always underfoot, he’s not getting laid any more, and with you lopping your hair off and dressing like his mom, he’s even less interested in sex with you anyway.

Soccer Mom Thinks She\'s HotOh, and give him a little peace & quiet, would you? He really doesn’t need to hear all about your day with the other soccer moms, in mind-numbing detail, and he doesn’t give a rip about the conversation you had with your mom about your sister’s latest boyfriend. He’s got to concern himself with keeping his job, in the face of global competition and downsizing. If you don’t shut the hell up, and let him think, he’ll lose that job that’s paying your bills. Then where will you be? In divorce court, because you drove him to shag his secretary?

Get a grip, women. Stop talking for a moment, and look, and listen. Ask some important questions about yourself, about him, and about your relationship. About your place in the world. And ask yourself if your expectations are reasonable in today’s world of rising energy prices, melting ice caps, and a 50% plus divorce rate.

Remember those wedding vows, sugar? Seems to me the general idea was to make each other happy, helping each other realize their fondest dreams, and not so much about taking out the trash, or filling the kitchen with stainless steel appliances. Maybe it’s time to refocus…

Maybe ask yourself how you can make your situation better by rethinking the situation, instead of stubbornly sticking to your position. Maybe even get dad and the kids involved in the discussion. You may get a huge, wonderful surprise out of having that kind of conversation.

I remember that my family had some very useful discussions when I was a kid. We made some family decisions, after group discussions, that led to real improvements in our lives together. We found ways to cut expenses during the first Arab Oil Embargo, we explored our values, agreed certain things were crap, and we wouldn’t be involved with them, we began recycling… we pulled together.

It\'s Up To YouOr go ahead.

Stick to your guns.

Be a b*tch, and pull it all apart.

Your choice.


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