Tom Cruise = Jesus Christ?

January 26, 2007 at 12:54 am (Die Rat Bastard, Media)

Imagine my goggle-eyed horror upon hearing that Scientologist David Miscavige apparently believes that Tom Cruise will one day be hailed as Scientology’s Chosen One, its Jesus Christ, in fact. Wow. How wonderfully loony and delusional! And what a splendidly incorrect metaphor.

Tom Cruise = Jesus Christ?Jesus Christ = Tom Cruise?

Scientology’s “Christ” would be, more accurately, L. Ron Hubbard, its founder. Old L. Ron is renowned for fabricating a glamorous past for himself, and being quoted as saying that the best way to make a lot of money would be to found a religion. He also wrote some science fiction novels & stories of average quality.

So what does this make our Tommy Boy? Perhaps he would be better likened to Paul of Tarsus, who is credited with singlehandedly spreading Christianity from the Middle East all the way to Rome.

However, if Tom Cruise really were the Christ figure of Scientology, it begs the obvious question: do we get to nail him to anything?

Let me hold the hammer. Please.

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1 Comment

  1. lordhelpus said,

    Disappointing. Easter has come and gone, and Tom Cruise has no new holes in his hands, feet, or side. Well, maybe next year. Until then, for some really bad Scientological entertainment, go and rent Battlefield Earth. Oh, man, it’s so, SO bad it’s almost great! (Old Vinnie Barbarino has never been so barkingly over the top as he was in this huge sack of cinematic feces.) If you do choose to watch Battlefield Earth, make an event of it. Get some good munchies in, to take your mind off how damn dumb the movie is, or perhaps you could enjoy “The Battlefield Earth Drinking Game“! What a great way to get completely weaving drunk!

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