Even More Silliness
Well, I did say that it was more random silliness.
And as I wrote today on my Facebook page, 2010 is bound to be better than 2009, especially if we all go out into the world, in the days and weeks to come, holding that intention in our minds and in our hearts. Spread a little compassion, a little joy, a little happiness. Here’s a start. Enjoy.
Happy New Year!
More Random Silliness
Yes, another stupid bit of wordplay. Well, I thought it was funny…
I promise, I’ll post something much more serious, very soon.
Parody – Not A Low Art Form At All
Earlier this week, I spotted a lovely little parody of Pixar’s Luxo Lamp intro – the one you see at the beginning of all the Disney / Pixar movies.
Here’s the original, to refresh your memory:
And here’s the parody. Wonderfully twisted, and perfectly in the spirit of the Hallowe’en season…
Now, here’s a really fun parody with a different approach. Certainly a little more lighthearted:
A bit of looking on YouTube indicates that the Pixar Luxo Lamp intro is a very popular subject of parody and imitation. There are many, many videos done by aspiring CGI animators out there.
Let’s wrap up with a quick “outtake”:
Enjoy the weekend, and I’ll be back soon with a more serious subject to discuss.
What Are They Thinking At GM?
Holy Zarquon’s Singing Fish. I just saw a commercial for the new 2010 Chevy Equinox SUV, and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck. Whatever they are smoking in the styling department at Chevrolet, it must be pretty righteous shizzle. Take a look:
And now, take a look at the 2002 Pontiac Aztek, widely considered to be one of the ugliest cars ever made:
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Can you imagine a more clear example that people don’t learn from history, and are therefore doomed to repeat it? Is it any wonder that GM is about to pass into history like the Studebaker and the DeSoto?
There. I feel a little better now. See you all in a few days.
I Kind Of Miss Her Already
Damn, y’all. It’s only been 2 weeks since the election, and I already sort of miss Sarah Palin. Smokin’ hot MILF, yes, but dumb as a Doug Fir stump. And plainly, I’m not the only American male who gets all “woodsy” thinking about Alaska’s governor…
Oh, Sarah! Sweet, adorable gubernatorial babe! Great tune, eh? Credit goes to Brian Haner, currently touring with Jeff Dunham and Peanut. (Herr Doktor Haner used to play with some pretty cool people, like Frank Zappa. And he’s father to Synyster Gates of Avenged Sevenfold.)
How about some more GILF Goodness?
GILF as in Governor I’d Like To F***… Love me that Craig Ferguson almost as much as Sarah Palin! And she even offered to take Craig “fishin’”. Mmmm, that sexy Alaskan dialect… makes me go all wibbly.
How about one more look at the lovely Governor Palin before we go?
Sigh… dense as block of solid lead, but oh so very boinkable.
We’ll miss you, Sarah! Stay in touch, eh? You betcha!
UPDATE: November 23, 2008
Hey, sugar! How can we miss you when you won’t go away? Just when I thought we were never going to see the delicious Governor Palin ever again, this fascinating video from KTUU / Anchorage appeared on YouTube:
(Warning: scenes of gruesome, brutal, turkey carnage! I mean it! Seriously! Alaskan dude brazenly killing turkeys! And staring vacantly at the camera!)
All well and good for the turkey that was pardoned, but not the best day ever for the turkeys in the background, while this video was being shot. I will refrain from further comment. Many other pundits (or “pun-dints” as the luscious Sarah would say) have made all the good comments already.
However, the universe decided to toy with my wee brain while I was watchin’ the turkey killin’ video. This song – “Vicarious” – by the band Tool popped up on my MP3 player. Be advised – Tool is not for the faint of heart. The imagery in the following video may be unsettling, as might be the lyrics. But if you’re so inclined, you may see the depths of the synchronicity between the two videos. Enjoy… or perhaps simply contemplate.
Wave “Bye-Bye”, John. (You too, Sarah.)
Boy, it’s good to see the results of this election. Barack Obama is our President Elect, and the cheering of the crowds at his victory speech was deafening. The report above (screen capture from CNN) filled me with glee.
And the projections are that the Democrats have also gained control of the House and the Senate. I haven’t smiled so much since my divorce was final. And that prompted me to wonder what this election really means for the Republicans. And I think it boils down to this:
Dear Republican Party;
We, the American People, want a divorce.
We’re sick to death of your shit. You spent a whole lot of money we don’t have, and got us into hock up to our eyeballs. Your friends are a whole bunch of self-aggrandizing, unsavory, scandalous bastards who helped you rack up all this debt we can’t pay, and you still want to give them more money? Are you on crack? And when we busted your sorry ass on all your lies, you just kept sticking to your lame story. You think we’re stupid? You think we don’t know you’re lying?
You’ve got until January 20th to pack your crap, and get out. You’re lucky we don’t call the cops and have them throw your lying, evil ass in jail.
Trouble is, the Democrats are just the flip side of the two-party coin. We have to stay on top of them, and make sure they don’t pull the same crap that Dubya pulled. And who did I vote for? Ralph Nader. See, if third parties get a minimum percentage of the popular vote, they can qualify for federal matching funds. This way, instead of piling my vote on top of the Obama landslide, I used it to try and help fund an alternative to the two-party system. Don’t know if it’ll ever work, but I figured it was better than being a “me too”.
Anyhow, I’m still smiling. And Inauguration Day can’t come soon enough for me.
(By the way, I’d still totally do Sarah Palin ’til she squeaks. Just don’t let her run anything outside of Alaska. Hey, I can see Mt. Hood from my house. Does this mean I’m a qualified mountaineer, skier, and vulcanologist?)
Random Phrases, Unintended Humor
Friday night, September 26th, a whole wad of friends and family gathered at a local Newport Bay restaurant to celebrate my sister’s 50th birthday. And, as a part of a recent tradition, I kept notes of some of the more… interesting… random phrases spoken by those gathered around the table.
Without further ado, I present the randomness below, in chronological order of utterance. Anonymity has been maintained, to protect the guilty. Hope you enjoy!
Whoo hoo! I have a new bank!
Pongo has a growth on his thyroid.
Digital computing.
You went to Ulta!
I’ve spent hours fighting on the phone with AMR.
Liquid Castille soap.
He was released this morning…
I still whip mine out every now and then.
It’s amazing what you can do from Dollar Tree.
Payback is a bitch.
I like ‘em all.
What was the question? Was there a question?
She was trying to think of a place in New York.
And I said “the Eiffel Tower”, then “the Sears Tower”.
All that stuff is in Las Vegas. At 1/4 scale.
I think you need to go see a therapist, and get some drugs.
That’s not hard – it’s called Jack Daniels.
Hey! You’re violating our freedom of speech.
I like to go to Honolulu… just long enough to go shopping.
Just one more thing!
Too much information – all the time. That’s my news channel.
Yeah, I like TMI. Those are good call letters – KTMI.
I want to be you. But just for Saturday and Sunday.
I’m just dipping. STOP IT!
As long as you don’t skinny dip, or double dip.
I know what double dipping is, but what’s skinny dipping? Using your finger, and licking it off?
Can I help you spell Zihuatanejo?
Nah, I’ll look it up later on Google.
She’s your favorite DJ client.
Oh, great. I have to be quiet tonight.
Is there still stuff in that bowl?
She said she has a headache. Better show her your book.
Oh yeah, I have that book. It’s empty. I wrote a lot in mine. It makes a good diary.
It’s a really good notebook. Stick it by the phone.
Now I know why you switch to the girl’s part, right in the middle.
We didn’t tell you everything we did on that cruise, Jon. You think we’re morons?
Tell Diane what Brandon did – he didn’t go to trial!
There was about 12 people’s names on there that I knew.
I’m paying. After all, I invited everyone.
Now he tells us, after we ordered.
You guys wanna see me in my underwear?
I can’t chew all this.
A brandy margarita? That sounds disgusting.
I found lots of stuff I didn’t like.
Diane’s sucking too hard.
It looks like she’s drinking an aquarium. Koi pond?
I’ll kiss somebody.
It could be worse. If I stop having birthdays altogether, that’s worse.
A simple valve job will fix that.
You’ve been talking about me, and I haven’t been listening?
Let me know if he’s coming or not – if he is, I’ll bow out.
(The speaker was referring to me, perhaps a little unjustly.)
Write that in there – you’re fired!
It does taste like grass.
That makes me feel much better.
All you need is a mirror and binoculars.
You don’t want to go to a truck stop?
I just haven’t gotten into it.
I think we’re all too damn sensitive these days.
I can’t believe you said that!
My mom says I shouldn’t say the word “fuck”.
The joke’s on her; she thinks she’s going to a spa.
I’m gettin’ in it!
Naked? It feels really good. There you have it!
Maybe she should come along.
Just write down what you want. A wish list. Maybe I can figure it out.
Kama Sutra for over-fifties… (snore)
I just want the massage part. I don’t want the other part.
The only part of me that’s working right is – my colon.
That’s because you’re full of shit.
We were IM’ing about our colonoscopies.
Right up his alley.
I’m here for a good time, not a long time.
You have to sit on your hand when you do that?
You look so masculine when you stretch like that. All the flab goes away.
He’ll blog it on his web site.
She doesn’t eat anything white, remember?
Oh my God, what’s coming out of it?
Get one to go – we’ll eat it later.
Throwing his money around…
Well, he did marry you.
I have to give her the money back? Cancel the party! I never post the check until after the event’s over, in case something happens. Like that.
I didn’t make an “X” on the calendar yesterday, so I guess I didn’t take my pills today!
Where do you get one? I want one!
I think I’m pregnant.
Did I show you my stool sample?
What’s the difference between a truckload of bowling balls, and a truckload of dead babies?
And there you have it. Feel free to post a comment, if you care to.
Well, I thought it was funny…
Yeah, it’s a totally stupid pun. But I couldn’t get it out of my head! And now it’s in yours. Curse me if you must.
Some days, all you can do is shake your head…
…and wonder what’s to become of us all. Today, I got a catalog geared towards me and my fellow fat asses. It features a portable chair that can hold up to – wait for it – 800 pounds. Who’s going to use this? It’s for use while camping or -gasp, wheeze- hiking! Oh, yeah, right. Delusional, I am not. And yes – in the catalog picture, all four models are sitting on their fat… chairs… behind the open tailgates of gas-guzzling SUVs. (Oh, by the way, manufacturers please note. The seat is only 24 inches wide. Huh? 800 pounds = great big old booty = wider than 24 inches. Jesus. Will someone please use their melon for something other than holding up their hair?)
Humanity is SO broken.
The book I reading right now, The Uplift War by David Brin, has as its main theme a galactic civilization where various space-faring species travel about the Five Galaxies “uplifting” pre-sentient species they find here and there. As a result, I am especially aware of cultural and genetic issues right now. We humans could use a serious genetic intervention. But that has a really nasty taste in the mouth since the hopelessly incorrect and misguided “eugenics” of the first half of century 20.
I wonder how far back that stupid misadventure will set the progress of the human race? How much our genetic advancement may have been delayed by Hitlerian anti-semitism, or dogmatic religious beliefs that dictate that our rickety DNA is somehow “holy” and inviolate, the province only of God Almighty? (If we are a divine creation, well – His Handiwork is pretty damn sloppy, that’s all I have to say.)
Sigh. It’s an issue for me because I feel victimized by my genes. Stupid DNA anyway. I’d love to be able to fix some things, starting with my metabolism, my pancreas, then the proportions of certain… things…
Okay, here are some other ideas. To begin with, the age of procreation should be moved out to 45. No sex urge, no fertility, no nothing until 45. That way, there will be no interference with education & careers. People will have a fighting chance to get their finances and their heads together before breeding. No chance of stupidly knocking up your girlfriend and ruining your life and hers.
Next, life span should be increased to about 150 or more. This would give us time to see the next generation solidly on its feet, and see the grandkids by age 95 or 100. Not to mention the fact that we are, as things are now, just beginning to get the hang of how things work, and our bodies and minds begin falling apart. What’s up with that? Can’t we do better? Hello?
Give us 100-120 productive years, and 30-40 years of retirement. Time to spend the cash we’ve amassed. Maybe even become a little wiser, and get the chance to pass along the wisdom. Perhaps then we hairless monkeys might begin taking a longer view of things, if we knew we would be around long enough to suffer the consequences, eh?
What do you think about that, George Bush? Dick Cheney?
